Thirty Five...

...And Still Alive!

WARNING...THIS IS LOOOONNNNGGGG!!!!

I have had some memorable birthdays in the past.

There was my 14th birthday when my mom/hairstylist gave me a HORRIBLE perm, cut my hair SUPER short and then threw me a surprise party! It wasn't pretty. Although I was totally blindsided by the party. That part was fun (once my entire 8th grade class got over the SHOCK of my hair!!)


There was my 6th birthday when we had the party at Chuckee Cheeses. My BEST friend showed up in her BEST party dress and fancy shoes. She cried for and hour when she saw we were all in jeans. My step-dad nick named her Mun Chee Chee because she looked so cute like one of those dolls (this continued to be her nick name for the next 20 years!). She gave me a Sesame Street Record that we would listen to for hours! I still have it! Awwww.... (unfortunately the last time I saw her 9 years ago she asked me to do something immoral. I said no. That was the last time we spoke. sniff sniff.)

There was my 21st birthday in Vegas (the time I REALLY turned 21). I slept in the car in the parking lot of the hotel because my friends were being total asses and I had to get away from them.

There was my 20th birthday when we couldn't get into the Eagles Hell Freezes Over concert because 2 of our 4 tickets were fake. As I pitched a fit in the parking lot, a cop grabbed my boobs and told me to chill out. (I was VIOLATED!) Since we'd rented a limo we had to all leave together and forfeit our good tickets. We went to TGI Fridays where my friend got trashed. We spent the 2 next hours hosing vomit off her driveway, her neighbors lawn, her bedroom floor. Ick.

There was my 30th birthday when I babysat all the nieces and nephews because Jon and his sisters had to go to a funeral.

There was my 27th birthday when I was in the hospital after delivering Dylan. I spent the majority of the morning vomiting from the anesthesia. My step-mom got in trouble for lighting a candle and singing me happy birthday (something about fire and oxygen tanks. Big deal). I burst into tears for no reason (the nurse said something about my milk coming in but I think it was because someone took all the estrogen in the entire COUNTRY and shoved it into my body). Then the Nazi nurse molested me while trying to show me how to nurse my baby. She was creepy.

There was my 32nd birthday when my Mom called me up and said "What are you doing for your BIG 30th?!" Ummmm...it was two years ago...thanks for noticing Mom.

So I figured it was up to me to make my 35th memorable. The odds were stacked against me. The kids had school, I had school, and Jon had to work. Not much to do with that. BUT I did my best to have "me" day.

I woke up to the same mess I had left when I went to bed. The birthday fairy hadn't come. Although the house was still decorated form when she appeared for Dylan's birthday so at least it felt festive. My kids didn't remember it was my birthday. No biggie, except that meant they were on their usual behavior which included not listening to me, not clearing their plates and bickering about EVERYTHING! Off to a good start huh?!

I took the kids to school and took myself for an awesome bike ride. I rode to the beach, spent some time at the water enjoying the AMAZING day God had created (just for me I'm sure!). Catalina was at my fingertips, the weather was a perfect 75 degrees and life was good. Riding back up the trail with the ocean at my back, I enjoyed the amazing view of the snow capped mountains. I rode up to the park and rode the dirt trails and jumps for a little while.

After riding home I organized a few things for school, packed up and headed to Disneyland (where it was a not so perfect 88 degrees). Since it was my birthday and I am a pass holder, I got a "Fun Card" for $69! YES! Free money! I browsed World of Disney but nothing really grabbed me. I did do a bit of shopping for some upcoming birthdays but I spent real money on that...no way was I spending my free birthday money!

I decided to treat myself to a late lunch. I have been craving Mexican since losing weight but have never let myself indulge. I decided it was time. But I couldn't fathom sitting alone in a restaurant on my birthday so I opted to go to their carryout window and enjoy a little people watching. Bad move. First, the takeout window did not serve the good stuff. The food was made with nacho cheese, fake guacamole and chips straight off the shelf at Smart and Final. Big disappointment. A nice (and by nice I mean strange) lady sat down in my personal space and whipped out her own beverages, a mini DVD player and kicked back with her cowboy boots on the table. She tried to engage me in some type of conversation about "weed" and the very good possibility we would both leave with a contact high from all the people smoking weed around us. We were completely alone and I didn't smell a thing. Time to go.

I drove to school for braille class. My classroom is right next door to my step-mom's office so I stopped in to say Hi. While I was there the following happened
phone rings
Her office Mate answers the phone
"Oh hello Vinnie" (my brother)
"Yes, Diane AND Gina are right here"
"Are you sure that's who you are calling for"
"You know, don't you want to talk to your sister instead of Diane?"
"Vinnie, I am trying to cover for you. Don't you want to wish your sister a happy birthday?"
So I get on the phone and listen to my brother scramble to cover up for the fact he had no idea it was my birthday. He said something about calling me being on his "to do list" (I know him better than that) and something else about not being able to remember me because his dryer broke. OK...Sibling #1...busted.

I suffered through an INSANELY boring guest speaker. I really like this class but the speaker just did nothing for me. Not the way I really wanted to spend my evening.

When I got home, I had to pee so badly. I ran to the bathroom and found my birthday surprise...a visit from an old relative (let's just say I'm not pregnant...happy birthday to me! NOT!)

But things were looking up...the birthday fairy had come with her! YAY! My kids had made me some cards and decorated my bedroom all by themselves. Look what a good job they did!





My amazing husband had cleaned the house and started laundry (YES!) He was also making me an artichoke and some spinach dip. I enjoyed every fattening bite. We drank a bottle of champagne and spent some time together. It was a great ending to a birthday that I can't exactly call memorable, but it was as good as it can get under the circumstances.

A few side notes.

Another shout out to my Mom. TODAY she sent me a very nice e-card talking all about how January 14th is the most important day of her life and I am he best thing that happened to her. I was so planned and wanted and yadda yadda yadda. Hey Mom, the most important day of your life was YESTERDAY!!! I love you Mom! Thanks for always thinking about me (even if it is always a tad bit late!)

An honorable mention to my other brother who called me today and said he knew it was yesterday but he still wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday. Awww...so sweet.

And a special thank you to my baby sister who was my only sibling to remember me! She rocks! WAIT..actually I called her to ask her about the weather. Ah Hem.....

FINAL NOTE: From the pages of Balloon Babes (a new porno magazine)...I give you..ME!